45 VIDEOS IN YOU TUBE -ADDRESS LINK

ASSERTION PRESZENCE IN A BODY OF WORK...YOU TUBE VIDEOS

http://www.youtube.com/user/preszence

ALSO 175 BLOGS LISTED IN LIBRARY

http://bloglibrarywpc1.blogspot.com/

SCIENCE OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE-TARA PARKER-POPE...NYT ARTICLE 5.11.10

The Science of a Happy Marriage



By TARA PARKER-POPE






Stuart Bradford


Why do some men and women cheat on their partners while others resist the temptation?






To find the answer, a growing body of research is focusing on the science of commitment. Scientists are studying everything from the biological factors that seem to influence marital stability to a person’s psychological response after flirting with a stranger.






Their findings suggest that while some people may be naturally more resistant to temptation, men and women can also train themselves to protect their relationships and raise their feelings of commitment.






Recent studies have raised questions about whether genetic factors may influence commitment and marital stability. Hasse Walum, a biologist at the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, studied 552 sets of twins to learn more about a gene related to the body’s regulation of the brain chemical vasopressin, a bonding hormone.






Over all, men who carried a variation in the gene were less likely to be married, and those who had wed were more likely to have had serious marital problems and unhappy wives. Among men who carried two copies of the gene variant, about a third had experienced a serious relationship crisis in the past year, double the number seen in the men who did not carry the variant.






Although the trait is often called the “fidelity gene,” Mr. Walum called that a misnomer: his research focused on marital stability, not faithfulness. “It’s difficult to use this information to predict any future behavior in men,” he told me. Now he and his colleagues are working to replicate the findings and conducting similar research in women.






While there may be genetic differences that influence commitment, other studies suggest that the brain can be trained to resist temptation.






A series of unusual studies led by John Lydon, a psychologist at McGill University in Montreal, have looked at how people in a committed relationship react in the face of temptation. In one study, highly committed married men and women were asked to rate the attractiveness of people of the opposite sex in a series of photos. Not surprisingly, they gave the highest ratings to people who would typically be viewed as attractive.






Later, they were shown similar pictures and told that the person was interested in meeting them. In that situation, participants consistently gave those pictures lower scores than they had the first time around.






When they were attracted to someone who might threaten the relationship, they seemed to instinctively tell themselves, “He’s not so great.” “The more committed you are,” Dr. Lydon said, “the less attractive you find other people who threaten your relationship.”






But some of the McGill research has shown gender differences in how we respond to a cheating threat. In a study of 300 heterosexual men and women, half the participants were primed for cheating by imagining a flirtatious conversation with someone they found attractive. The other half just imagined a routine encounter.






Afterward, the study subjects were asked to complete fill-in-the-blank puzzles like LO_AL and THR__T.






Unbeknownst to the participants, the word fragments were a psychological test to reveal subconscious feelings about commitment. (Similar word puzzles are used to study subconscious feelings about prejudice and stereotyping.)






No pattern emerged among the study participants who imagined a routine encounter. But there were differences among men and women who had entertained the flirtatious fantasy. In that group, the men were more likely to complete the puzzles with the neutral words LOCAL and THROAT. But the women who had imagined flirting were far more likely to choose LOYAL and THREAT, suggesting that the exercise had touched off subconscious concerns about commitment.






Of course, this does not necessarily predict behavior in the real world. But the pronounced difference in responses led the researchers to think women might have developed a kind of early warning system to alert them to relationship threats.






Other McGill studies confirmed differences in how men and women react to such threats. In one, attractive actors or actresses were brought in to flirt with study participants in a waiting room. Later, the participants were asked questions about their relationships, particularly how they would respond to a partner’s bad behavior, like being late and forgetting to call.






Men who had just been flirting were less forgiving of the hypothetical bad behavior, suggesting that the attractive actress had momentarily chipped away at their commitment. But women who had been flirting were more likely to be forgiving and to make excuses for the man, suggesting that their earlier flirting had triggered a protective response when discussing their relationship.






“We think the men in these studies may have had commitment, but the women had the contingency plan — the attractive alternative sets off the alarm bell,” Dr. Lydon said. “Women implicitly code that as a threat. Men don’t.”






The question is whether a person can be trained to resist temptation. In another study, the team prompted male students who were in committed dating relationships to imagine running into an attractive woman on a weekend when their girlfriends were away. Some of the men were then asked to develop a contingency plan by filling in the sentence “When she approaches me, I will __________ to protect my relationship.”






Because the researchers could not bring in a real woman to act as a temptation, they created a virtual-reality game in which two out of four rooms included subliminal images of an attractive woman. The men who had practiced resisting temptation gravitated toward those rooms 25 percent of the time; for the others, the figure was 62 percent.






But it may not be feelings of love or loyalty that keep couples together. Instead, scientists speculate that your level of commitment may depend on how much a partner enhances your life and broadens your horizons — a concept that Arthur Aron, a psychologist and relationship researcher at Stony Brook University, calls “self-expansion.”






To measure this quality, couples are asked a series of questions: How much does your partner provide a source of exciting experiences? How much has knowing your partner made you a better person? How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities?






The Stony Brook researchers conducted experiments using activities that stimulated self-expansion. Some couples were given mundane tasks, while others took part in a silly exercise in which they were tied together and asked to crawl on mats, pushing a foam cylinder with their heads. The study was rigged so the couples failed the time limit on the first two tries, but just barely made it on the third, resulting in much celebration.






Couples were given relationship tests before and after the experiment. Those who had taken part in the challenging activity posted greater increases in love and relationship satisfaction than those who had not experienced victory together.






Now the researchers are embarking on a series of studies to measure how self-expansion influences a relationship. They theorize that couples who explore new places and try new things will tap into feelings of self-expansion, lifting their level of commitment.






“We enter relationships because the other person becomes part of ourselves, and that expands us,” Dr. Aron said. “That’s why people who fall in love stay up all night talking and it feels really exciting. We think couples can get some of that back by doing challenging and exciting things together.”






Tara Parker-Pope’s new book is “For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage.”










--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SENSAMORA PRESZENCE YOU TUBE VIDEO...SOUND AS ACOUSTICAL GODDESS OF RESONANCE-3 MINUTES

GREAT NATURES OF CREATIVE IN  GREAT SEXUALITY TEMPERAMENT

REIGN OF CONFUSION AND NOTES OF 'GOING TO PIECES WITHOUT FALLING APART'-MARK EPSTEIN

GO TO GOOGLE DOC LINK OR THE ESSAY OF EMPTINESS NOTES IS BELOW...

http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AXA0ue4vjqLGZGZrcmdmbmRfMjRnNzYyOHRoNw&hl=en

RAIN AND REIGN AS ONE ENCOUNTERS EMPTINESS...

"In meditation, I had stumbled upon a new way to be with myself. I did not have to make that disturbing feeling of emptiness disappear. I did not have to run away from my emptiness or cure it, or eradicate it. I had only to see what was actually there. In fact, far from being 'empty', I found that emptiness was a rather 'full' feeling. I discovered that emptiness was the canvas, or background, of my being. I did not understand it, but I was much less afraid."

......






"Demanding of her fellow villagers the way we demand of our families and therapists that the problem be taken care of, she came to see that her individual problem was not unique, that it was universal. Redirecting her gaze from her own trauma to the flickering lights of the village, she achieved a breakthrough: She saw the more universal experience that her own particular misfortune obscured. It was only by facing, not denying, her personal tragedy that Kisagotami could uncover the greater reality. By struggling with and accepting her loss, she could understand the Buddha's teachings. No longer striving to contain her grief and keep herself together, she nevertheless, stopped falling apart. By appreciating that she could never have what she thought she deserved, she was able to relax. Her emptiness stopped overtaking her only when she stopped taking it personally."


.....






" It was the early eighties, and there was a kind of revolt going on against the caricature of the dour, silent psychotherapist. People need mirroring, the theory went, in order to become secure in their own reality, and so i tried, in accordance with this idea, to reflect back some warmth to my patients.


The model for this approach to therapy came from observations of infants and parents. When a child does a new task, it was noted, she will turn back quickly to check to see if her mother is watching. Catching the twinkle in her mother's eye, she will be empowered to keep going, and she will take her mother's approval, or affirmation, with her into the new activity. Self-esteem and self-assurance grow in proportion to how mirrored a child feels. When this process is inadequate, the child feels empty. The empty self needs a real relationship with a real person in order to discover its own reality.


This orientation did much to humanize the kind of teaching I received: It gave a theoretical justification to what many were already feeling and allowed skilled therapists to break down the self-conscious edifice that had alienated many a struggling patient. But this approach, while appealing, seemed sometimes to have serious flaws when put into practice. In my own early work as a therapist I hoped vigorously that my own 'unconditional positive regard' would help my patients consolidate their selves and relieve their suffering. More often than not, however, I found that , from their point of view, I could not do enough. They wanted more and more of me, and i would find myself embroiled in their lives."


......






Kernberg taught that emptiness was the result of defects in self-development that interfered with a child's abiity to integrate the idea of one person having both good and bad qualities. Ih Kernberg's view, the infant first keeps 'all-good' and 'all-bad' experiences separate; she has no idea that the mother who gratifies her hunger is the same person as the mother who is not there immediately when she cries. At some point, if the child's frustration and anger are handled properly, she will have the realization that the gratifying and frustrating mother are one and the same person and will thus have the ability to relate to 'real' people, not just to what he called 'part-objects' Feelings of emptiness, thought Kernberg, occurred when this ability to relate to 'whole-objects' was lacking. Often masking a virulent rage or self-hatred, emptiness, for Kernberg, was a sign of lack of cohesiveness in the self, of an inablility to tolerate conflicting feelings for the same person......


My problems with my demanding patients lay, he felt, in my failure to deal with their aggression. Unable to see me as a real, and therefore limited, person, they were expecting me to be 'all-good' and at the same time, they were completely furious with me.....


Indeed, these interpretations were extremely helpful when I put them into my words and found ways of communicating their essences to my patients. ...Their disturbing complaints of unreality and depersonalization went away. But...their core feeling of emptiness did nt disappear....


.....






"I knew that emptiness (or sunyata), from a Buddhist perspective, was an understanding of one's true nature, an intuition of the absence of inherent identity in people or things. It was the core psychological truth of Buddhism. Emptiness, from a Western perspective, seemed to me to be a tortured feeling of distress, an absence of vitality, a sense of being not quite real enough, of disconnection....


With an uncharacteristically serious expression, the lama was making what looked like a hammering motion with his hands over and over again, as if waiting for me to tune in to what he was saying, 'It is like a blacksmith,' he was saying, 'striking on a ...what do you call it in English?...striking on an anvil.' I could not follow what he was getting at; I had trouble even understanding his words. 'These are like sparks of emptiness,' he went on, making upward motions with hs fingers to show the sparks flying off of the anvil, 'These are minds striking against emptiness, like a blacksmith strikes against his anvil. The hollowness you describe, the deficiency and distress, these are like sparks of emptiness, untrained minds trying to grasp emptiness.'....






The implications of Gelek's statement for the psychotherapy profession leaped out at me. 'Stop trying to eliminate emptiness!' he was saying. This is where Western therapy was going wrong. Like their patients, psychotherapists were intimidated by emptiness. They were struggling to take those feelings of insufficiency that I had struggled with since high school and eradicate them.....Therapists were trying to get rid of emptiness by uncovering its cause...


Psychotherapy was holding out for a cure. Buddhism, as I was learning, sought to turn the Western experience of emptiness around. 'Don't be so afraid of it,' Gelek ws saying. 'You can never understand what the Buddhists mean if you are so afraid of your personal emptiness.' The problem with the Western experience of emptiness was that it was mixed with so much fear......


.....






"In our zeal to eliminate the ghosts of our childhood, to nourish the empty places of emotional insufficiency, and to achieve that pinnacle of psychological development that the British psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott called 'feeling real', we were treating feelings of emptiness as something that needed to be fixed and cured and therefore losing the ground upon which we rest. Our aversion to emptiness is such that we have become expert at explaining it away, distancing ourselves from it, or assigning blame for its existence on the past or on the faults of others. We contaminate it with our personal histories and expect that it will disappear when we have resolved our personal problems. Thus, Western psychotherapists are trained to understand a report of emptiness as indicative of a deficiency in someone's emotional upbringing, a defect in character, a defense against overwhelming feelings of aggression, or as a stand-in for feelings of inadequacy. Since most of us share one or more of these traits, it becomes all too easy to pathologize a feeling that in Buddhism serves as a starting place for self-exploration.


As Gelek Rinpoche indicated, emptiness can never be eliminated, although the experience of it can be transformed. Like sparks flying off of the blacksmith's anvil, experiences of emptiness are part of the fabric of our being. Emptiness appears first as the dark side of our attempts to create a separate and self-sufficient self. Any therapy that tries to explain it away, or cure it with a corrective emotional experience, is destined to produce frustration and disappointment........


.....






"....Emptiness did not have to mean annihiliation, I had realized, nor did it have to mean nothingness. By looking into my own emptiness, I had paradoxically discovered more of my own voice. If therapy could target the fear of emptiness instead of trying to wipe out the entire feeling, perhaps it ouwld be more effective. What was this feeling, really, but he sense that I did not know who I was? Why should that be so objectionable? What I had learned from Buddhism was that I did not have to know myself analytically as much as I had to tolerate not knowing.


This line of reasoning led me directly to a potent undercurrent in the writings of ...Winnecott. [who] taught that to go willingly into unknowing was the key to living a full life. Only if a parent provides what he called 'good-enough ego coverage' can a child go without fear into the unknown. As he explained it, a child needs to develop the capacity to be alone: a faith or trust in the relationship with the parent such that it is possible to explore the world outside of it....


...Leaving alone means allowing the child to have her own experience, whether alone or when feeding, bathing, or being held. When suspended in the matrix of the parent-child relationship, a child is free to explore, to venture into new territory, both within herself and without. This freedom to explore while held within the safety net of the parent's benign presence develops into the capacity to be alone.


.....






..."With too much interference from the parents, or too much absence, a child is forced to spend her mental energy coping with her parents' intrusiveness or unavailablilty instead of exploring herself. This mental energy then takes over, leading to a situation in which the child's thinking mind becomes the locus of her existence and the child feels empty. ....When the relationship with a parent is too fragile, a child naturally tries to compensate. This leads to the development of a precocious 'caretaker self' that is tinged with a feeling of falsity. Besides feeling empty, a person in this predicament also fears emptiness. The fear of emptiness is really a sign of the fragility of the bond with the parent. We are afraid to venture into the unknown because to do so would remind us of how unsafe we once felt. This fear, taught Winnicott, is of being 'infinitely dropped', or, perhaps, of being infinitely reminded.


"What connected me even more assuredly to Winnecott's explanation of emptiness was his insistence that overcoming the fear of emptiness requires ''a new experience in a specialized setting.' This is precisely what I had found in meditation. Without the counseling of my meditation teachers, and without the method of nonjudgmental awareness, I could never have done the unimaginable thing of looking into my own emptiness. I could not have tolerated that degree of aloneness nor would I have been willing to drop my compensatory mind. Meditation gave me the faith that there were other techniques of self-exploration than the analysis of my thinking mind. It gave me a way of getting back to the secret room of my dreams.......


.....






...."Buddhism seeks...to purify the insight of emptiness."






..."When we grasp the emptiness of our false selves, we are touching a little bit of truth. If we can relax into that truth, we can discover ourselves in a new way"....






..."It is part of our drive for wholeness that we need to connect up with the agonies of the past."...






"Meditation has taught me that people can tolerate more than they think....Psychotherapy ...can also serve as a forum for authenticating and encouraging a capacity to bear the unknowability of the self."....


......






"At the same time as B. was trying to get away from hated aspects of herself, or internalized remnants of her intrusive mother, or (more to the point) the pain and pressure of her own anger, she was also reaching for a new experience. She needed to know that her urge was not merely pathological. As she began to explore around the edge of her recurrent worries, she discovered an anxiety in her chest that seemed to run through her like a hollow core.


At first she was deeply afraid of that place. With some encouragement, though, B. learned to rest her attention in the hollow core, and she saw that it was a rich source of mysterious feeling, sometimes sad and lonely, but at other times filled with the energy and inquisitiveness of a young child. The hollow space became an enriching space as well as a scary one, filled with unanticipated qualities that expanded her sense of her own reality.


.....Although B. has fought with her mother to preserve herself from her mother's criticisms, she emerged from those long years with an identity that was forged complelely in reaction to her mother. Needless to say, this was very limiting. Only by going into the hollow core could B. retrieve the rest of herself....


.....






..."J. had been hiding this particular inadequacy, and yet, as the intensity of his feelings revealed, he had remained much identified with it. S. Roshi helped him open up to the very vulnerability that J. was struggling to avoid. He helped him to be: open and vulnerable and insecure, not confident, controlled, and coherent. By making J.'s own childhood emptiness accessible to him once again, and by focusiing on it, Roshi unleashed the power of J.'s mature mind to be empty. Relieved of the associated shame and humiliation, he no longer feared, in Huang Po's words, an infinite drop through the Void. Uncontaminated, his own personal emptiness became his ticket to ride."...


.....






..."slowly, or sometimes suddenly, something sweet emerges out of the depths of our own minds....Our own personal and self-centered emptiness yields to something more universal. The sparks of emptiness return to their source....we can have access to the still, silent center of our own awareness that has been hiding, unbeknownst to our caretaker selves, behind our own embarrassment and shame. When we tap into this secret storehouse, we begin to appreciate the two-faced nature of emptiness--it fills us with dissatisfaction as it opens us to our own mystery. As the Buddhist traditions always insist, if we look outside of ourselves for relief from our own predicament, we are sure to come up short. Only by learning how to touch the ground of our own emptiness can we feel whole again."- NOTES FROM MARK EPSTEIN

...............................................................

http://woondead.blogspot.com/

TO SEE DIFFERENCES IN ACCUMULATION/COLLECTION OF EXPERIENCES IN FORTRESSINGS VS. TRANSFORMATION ALTERATIONS/SHIFTINGS IN DISTILLATIONS AND BECOMING...LETTING GO OF ALL THAT IS NOT ONE...........

http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AXA0ue4vjqLGZGZrcmdmbmRfMTkyeG1jNjRjMw&hl=en

LINK TO GOOGLE DOCUMENTS OR ESSAY DIALOGUE IS AS FOLLOWS IN THIS BLOG........

ENVY AND THE HIDDEN-DIALOGUE

http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AXA0ue4vjqLGZGZrcmdmbmRfMTkyeG1jNjRjMw&hl=en

CLICK ABOVE LINK FOR ESSAY IN GOOGLE DOCUMENT ACCESS..

.











NEW YORK TIMES STORY OF BROWNIE GIRL SCOUTS IN MANHATTAN PRIVATE SCHOOLS...SOME OF WHOM HAVE FIRST EXPERIENCE CLEANING A TOILET IN CAMP...
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PROCESS OF 'WALLING' AS EACH IS 'FORTRESSED' IN MEDIATION-CONTROL BEHIND A WALL OF FIRE THAT PRECLUDES REAL SEXUALITY...THE AGREED UPON TENETS AND RHYTHMS OF COLLECTIVE SAFE AND SOUND THAT END UPON DEFINING IN CLOSED CIRCULARITY OF 'EROS-CREATIVE-SACRED' INNER SPACE THAT IS POWER GREATER THAN LOVE...A MEDIATION CONTROL INTO THE PRINCESS CASTLE BARBI-CAN FORTRESS MODE THAT BUILDS A FIRE MOAT AROUND THE REALNESS... A CONSTRUCTION OF A MANUFACTURED SELF THAT BLOCKS OUT HER REAL SEXUAL AWAKENING...HER FIREWALL OF STEAMS AND DENIALS AS COMPRESSION-CONTRACTION 'TENSION NORMALCY' IS MEDIATED IN 'CORRIDORED' WAYS OF LIMITS IN 'INTENSITY-DENSITY' THAT SERVE HER 'VANITY FEAR' IDEA VERSION OF SELF...

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 DISTORTIONS OF INDULGENCE/ HUNGERS...BIRD IN THE HAND...2 IN THE BUSH...GREEDINESS IN SPRING REVERIE...

DREAMINGS IN ROADSIGNS...SIGILS OF SPRINGS OF WISHES...THE TRAPPED AND UNLIVED LIFE...

SHIFTING TRIANGLES

HER COLDNESS

SUDDENNESS

SHIFTING HONESTY

SERVES HER WELL

A VULNERABLE PRPROTECTIONISM

KNOWING

HORRORS OF INNER DARKNESS

KIKI HEAT

VEILS OF THE UNDISCLOSED

AS SHE CRAWLS BACKWARDS

SHEER FRIGHT

HANDS EXTENDED

A TRANCE TERROR

RELIVING

TRYING TO DEFEND

FEAR MOMENT , AGAIN

STRETCHING NEAR THE GARBAGE CAN

A PAN-NICK

LOOKING FOR THE PHONE

TO GET KIKI

KEY KEY KEY KEY

EMPTINESS OF A BUFFERED SPACE

KEY KEY KEY KEY

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I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE I WAS GOING, BUT I NEEDED A NEW ADVENTURE, A NEW GEOGRAPHY, A NEW MYSTERY....

PARAPHRASE OF THE MAGUS-JOHN FOWLES

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THE HARDNESS OF HEART...THE RIGIDITY OF BELIEF-BEHAVIOR...VANITY FEARS OF CONSTRUCTION ...A CASTLE OF BARBI-CAN SHAME...

REALIZATION IS OPPORTUNITY OF TRANSFORMATION...TO LET GO OF ALL THAT IS NOT ONE...TO MANIFEST IS OF BEING.............CONSCIOUSNESS

THE MAGIC PURSE OF SPIRIT CLEANSES AND LIGHTENS AS PLENTY IS AVAILABLE TO BECOME WHOLISM PRESZENCE........

///////////////SPLITS IN CONSCIOUSNESS...DUALITY IN BAOKA DREAMS THAT ECHO DEEPLY...SHIFTING 'FAULT' LINES OF REGISTERING AND RECORDING THE 'OUT OF SYNC' DIFFERENCES FROM IN 'SYNC'...RELATIONSHIPS...

SEEING 'GIRLS' BEGINNING 'NOT TO KNOW WHAT THEY KNEW' AS 'ADAPTATION'...CAROL GILLIGAN[BIRTH OF PLEASURE]

'OURSELF BEHIND OUR SELF CONCEALED/SHOULD STARTLE MOST' WROTE EMILY DICKINSON...

MEDIATION-CONTROL MADNESS AS ANGER LEVELS RISE TO PASSION EXCITEMENT OF INTENSITY-DENSITY CONTAINERING...SHE MEDIATES IN A PLEASURE OF ACCESSING COUNTER POWER TO CONTROL-THWART-DENY YET PAD HER VULNERABILITY IN ANGST AND RAGE MOVING TO STRATEGY AS 'SACRIFICE/RETREAT' MANEUVERS TO GAIN ADVANTAGE...

TO ACCESS THE SELF AS CONCEALED...THE PLEASURE TRUING SOUL OUT OF SECOND THOUGHTS AND INSTANT REVISION...

FOR 'WHO OFFERS ONESELF AS A CRISIS SOLUTION'...A REBIRTHING INSEMINATION IN EGG SPLITTING CONSCIOUSNESS...

FOR HOW DOES ONE COME TO KNOW THE CHILD....THE IMAGINED CHILD...THE STATE OF INSEMINATION SEEDING IN IDENTITY, SPLITTING, KA...AWARENESS...


'BY THE FACE AND SHAPE OF THE CHILD SHE WILL COME TO KNOW HER MYSTERIOUS HUSBAND'-CAROL GILLIGAN

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SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH LOVE...EXCITEMENT-FEAR...LOVE LEADING TO LOSS, PLEASURE FOLLOWED BY THE THREAT OF IMPENDING DEATH...

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SHE IS PUT TO SLEEP WITHIN A WALL OF FIRE...TO BE WAKENED BY THE ONLY HERO BRAVE ENOUGH TO PASS THROUGH TO HER...SHE SIZZLES, STEAMS, AND STRUGGLES TO PREVENT THE FIRES OF HER REAL SEXUAL AWAKENING...


THE FLAMING BARRIER IS THE FEAR...THWARTING AND WARDING OFF DEFENSIVENESS...


THE FEAR MUST BE BREATHED THROUGH AND EXPERIENCED...


LOVE IS THE ILLUMINATION IN THE WILL TO CONNECT....
///////////////////////////
ENVY AND THE HIDDEN...
.....

'HOW MUCH PAIN IS ONE WILLING TO SUFFER AND ENDURE IN ORDER TO AVOID KNOWING THE REAL SELF...TO SEE DESIRE AND NEED BECOME PAIN STATES WHEN SATISFACTIONS ARE UNDULY POSTPONED'

http://shockimpact.blogspot.com


http://hsingways1.blogspot.com

http://sirensoclizia.blogspot.com/


ENVY AND THE HIDDEN -DIALOGUE
'SIZE MATTERS' JANET SAID. 'BIG IS BETTER'...YOU KNOW, SOMETHING TO FILL THE NOTHING...TO 'MAKE THE BORDERS' AND 'CONTROL THE TERRITORY'...TO 'FILL IN THE GAPS' AND MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT...MY GROUNDING SPACE...MY HOMEOSTASIS SPACE...


IT IS THE EROS-CREATIVE-SACRED SOURCING ZONE OF OUR 'ACTIVATION-REACTIVITY' BEHAVIORS OF ANTICIPATION AND VIGILANCE...THE 'CONTROL' EXPECTANCY DEFENSE AGAINST EXPOSURE OF NERVES SPACE...


IT IS THE WAYS AND WILES OF OUR 'COATINGS, PADDINGS, DAMS, BLOCKS, FORTRESSINGS, FILTERS'...THE GREAT SUFFERINGS WE DO TO OUR SELF IN 'DENIAL'...


IT IS THE 'INTENSITY-DENSITY' WE BECOME ADDICTED TO IN OUR REPETITIONS, AS IF WE WERE CHILDREN, WATCHING THE SAME MOVIE OVER AND OVER AGAIN...






'YOU GOT THAT RIGHT' SAID CYNTHIA...WHO WANTS TO FEEL VULNERABLE?...'YOU KNOW I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR SAYING, BUT WHO WANTS TO BE CONSTANTLY HYPERVIGILANT?






JANET LOOKED AT CYNTHIA WITH A BIG SMILE...'WELL, MAYBE IT'S THE 'RIGHT SIZE FOR THE RIGHT PLACE' IS A BETTER WAY OF TALKING ABOUT IT'...SORTA LIKE BEING IN THE 'MOOD' IS AS 'HANDSOME IS AS HANDSOME DOES'...






MAYBE IT IS 'TOO MUCH OF SOMETHING MAY NOT BE GOOD' FOR YOU...LIKE GETTING TOO MUCH ICE CREAM MAKES YOU AVOID IT...AT LEAST FOR AWHILE'...






'NO, IT IS NOT THE SAME THING AS BEING 'SATIATED' WITH TOO MUCH ICE CREAM...IT IS HEALTHY CHANGE OF LEARNING 'GOING TO' INSTEAD OF CONTROLLING AND THWARTING AGAINST'...IT IS THE SPIRIT OF ADVENTURE AND CURIOSITY IN 'COMING FORWARD' THAT CHANGES DIRECTION OUT OF VANITY FEAR HABITS THAT MAINTAIN 'CONTROL' IN DENIAL AND DEFENSIVENESS...






'WELL, I LIKE TO FEEL THAT I AM IN CONTROL'...SAID JANET ASSERTIVELY.


'AFTER ALL IT IS MY BODY THAT WE ARE DEALING WITH HERE'...'ESPECIALLY WHEN I HAVE THAT MOMENT...THAT WONDROUS FEELING MOMENT OF MEETING MY STUFF WITH HIS STUFF...THAT TIMING WHEN ALL IS FULL AND ALIVE'...WHEN NOTHING IS HELD BACK BECAUSE I GET TO BE TOTALLY ME'...






'UH HUH, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU DID THAT, IF EVER'...






'MMMM, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...WHEN THE DAM BREAKS, WHEN THE LAVA STREAMS, WHEN THE STEAMINGS ARE WHERE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE'...






'UH HUH, YEP...DREAM ON...YOU TWO 'GET NUMBED' BEFORE YOU 'GET IT ON' SO WHO KNOWS WHAT REALLY HAPPENS...'CEPT THAT THE INTENSITY MAKES THE PAIN GO AWAY UNTIL THE NEXT DAY OR SO...






ITS BETTER THAN NOTHING........






WELL, THAT CERTAINLY IS A GOOD STRATEGY TO GET 'WHAT YOU SAY THAT YOU WANT'...A POWERFUL SEDUCTION STRATEGY...EVEN IF IT HAS BECOME SO PREDICTABLE IN ITS 'FAMILIARITY'...AS THEY SAY 'FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT'...






AT LEAST I HAVE SOMETHING TO PLAN ON...TO LOOK FORWARD TO 'SATURDAY NIGHT' WITH THE DINNER, WINE, A MOVIE AND SEX...IT IS DIFFICULT TO DO ANYTHING WITHOUT SCHEDULING THE TIME...






'Y'KNOW IT IS SOME KINDA VIOLENCE THAT YOU TWO DO...IT IS 'ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT' AS MUCH AS 'GREAT FEAR' AS THE EXCESSES OF CONVULSIVENESS AND SENSORY STRAININGS...SORT OF GETTING THE 'HIGH-PITCHED INTENSITY-DENSITY' TO COUNTER WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE NATURAL...


IT IS AS IF 'YOU ARE IN INVAGINATION', A NICE EUPHEMISM I MIGHT SAY, AND HE IS IN MASTURBATION OR 'BEING A JERK-OFF...


YEAH...Y'KNOW LIKE YOU GET INTO YOUR OWN ROMANCE DREAM IN 'BOMBING YOURSELF' AND HE JUST 'GOES ALONG FOR THE RIDE'...






'SO WHAT...WHO ARE YOU TO CRITICIZE...WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW...YOU'RE ALWAYS 'FUSSIN' WITH YOUR CAT AS SOME 'ALICk' IN WONDERLAND' WHO RUBS IT 'MAKING IT BIGGER' AND THEN 'MAKING IT SMALLER' JUST TO PRACTICE YOUR CONTROL IN 'STAYING IN THE SAME SPACE'...LIKE YOU'RE LOST IN YOUR OWN DREAMS...'NO WONDER YOU CAN'T FIND AND HOLD A MAN'...






'IT JUST GETS BORING DOING THE SAME STUFF ALL THE TIME...AH, MEN ARE SO EASY TO CONTROL...THEY THINK WITH THEIR DICKS AND ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS SUCK IT ONCE IN AWHILE'...WHERE IS THE ADVENTURE, THE RISK AND THE PLAY...FOR YOU THE 'FOREPLAY' IS SORT OF A GAME OF 4 PLAY...A BAITING AND FLIRTING DANCE OF KEEPING EACH OTHER OFF BALANCE...






'4 PLAY'?






WELL, IT'S LIKE THERE ARE 2 OF EACH OF YOU IN GAMES OF POWER-CONTROL...THE 'WANTING TO BE WANTED' AND 'VALUED' IN A NARCISSISM OF VANITY-FEARS WHERE 'LOVE' IS MERELY PART OF A TENNIS MATCH OF NETS AND COURTINGS...






HEY I GOT ENOUGH DANGER AND RISK JUST GOING DOWN THE STREET TO THE STORE...






YOU KNOW, EVERYONE SAYS THAT LOVE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SOMETHING 'MORE WITHIN' AS THE WAYS OF INTIMACY IS CREATIVE AND MORE LASTING THAN THE 'STRANGENESS OF A STRANGER-LOVER' ENCOUNTER...IT IS COURAGE IN FACING ONESELF IN SOMETHING INTIMATE AS 'BAGGAGE' IS LEFT OUTSIDE THE DOOR...






'WHY WOULD I WANT TO GET RID OF THE 'WILES AND WAYS' THAT ARE MY POWER, SPELL-CASTINGS AND MYSTERY?'...






WELL, WE BOTH KNOW THAT YOU ARE JUST A PARTITIONED 'EROTIC-NEUROTIC' WHO LIVES IN VANITY FEAR OF BEING ALONE WITH YOUR IMAGE CONSTRUCTIONS...YOU LIKE TO STAY IN THAT BLANCHE DUBOIS MODE OF 'I DON'T WANT REAL, I WANT MAGIC'...YOU LIKE TO SEE YOURSELF AS THE 'LOLITA INGENUE' WHO HIDES IN HYSTERIA 'MIMESIS' WEBBINGS...






MIMESIS...WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN...






IT MEANS THAT YOU IMITATE AND PLAY ROLES...YOU PREFER FANTASY GREATER THAN PRESENCE...






SO...HOW CAN I GET MY NEEDS MET WHEN I KNOW HE WILL USE MY VULNERABILITY AGAINST ME...I HAFTA HAVE COSMETICS AND MASKS TO GET HIM TO BE WHAT HE WANTS ME TO BE...






YOU ALREADY USE YOUR 'VULNERABILITY' TO MANIPULATE AND SEDUCE HIM...TO BAIT...TO OWN HIM...TO THWART AND CONTROL HIS SEXUALITY...YOU 'PARTITION' HIM INTO A PERFORMING 'STUD' AND THEN TREAT HIM WITH 'NOT GOOD ENOUGH' WAYS OF 'EXCITING BITCHERY' TO KEEP HIM OFF BALANCE... JUST LIKE YOU TREAT EVERYONE...






IT IS A GAME WE PLAY...WE BUILD POWER INTENSITY...A GAME OF HIDE AND SEEK WHERE THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH BEING APART THAT ONE CAN BE...AN ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT MOVING IN CHAMELEON MASKINGS TO GET MORE POWER AS A WAY TO ENTER THE WORLD...AS 2 NARCISSISTS DEEPLY ENMESHED WHO LOVE YET SEEK FREEDOM TO BE ON THEIR OWN...TRYING TO GET THE SELF ESTEEM TO HAVE PERSONAL WORTH...THEIR UNITY IS THE TEMPORARY MEANS OF MOVING TO A SENSE OF INDEPENDENCE EVEN AS THEY ARE DEPENDENT ON ONE ANOTHER TO SUSTAIN THE 'IDEA VERSION OF SELF' THAT IS THE BARBI-CAN SHAME FORTRESS OF ENDURANCE AND MEDIATION...






ENVY...ENVY...ENVY...


YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE...TRYING TO GENERATE AN IMAGE OR A SPELL THAT IS 'PERMANENT' AND 'LIMITING' AS A 'PERSONALITY' DANCE OF CONTROL...






YEAH, BUT IT STILL FEELS GOOD TO GET OFF AND GET RELEASE...






SURE...YET, THE TERRITORY CONTROL OF THWARTING, INHIBITION, DENIAL AND FORTRESSING EVENTUALLY SUFFOCATES BOTH PARTNERS IN A POWER CONTROL STRUGGLE THAT DESTROYS LOVE...






'SORT OF A MADNESS...YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH HIM/HER AND YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM/HER'...






'YEAH, THE EXCESSES OF CONTROL WHERE YOU KEEP YOURSELF SO SAFE THAT YOU DON'T GET TO HAVE ANY FUN'...


'YOU HAVE TO PLAY AND THERE HAS TO BE RISK, A TIME OF DANGER, SOMETHING THAT SPARKS OUT OF THE ROUTINES AND FAMILIAR'...






'HEY, YOU JUST HAVE TO BE IN IT TO WIN IT'...






'TO WIN WHAT'...LOVE IS NOT A GAME'...






'SURE IT IS...IT IS IN THE FEELINGS OF POWER AND CONTROL'...IT IS AN EDGE OR ADVANTAGE OF DESIRE, CHARGED SENSES, THE BODY ELECTRIC...FEELING ALIVE'...






'EXCEPT'...






'YEAH I KNOW THAT FEELING OF DISAPPOINTMENT...IT IS A SENSE OF BEING 'DEAD CERTAIN' AS CONTROL YET NOT GETTING WHAT I NEED'...






'I KNOW THAT MY MANIPULATION CONTROLS ARE TERRITORIAL LIKE A 'REVERSAL OF SENSES OF ABANDONMENT' AS WHAT I WANT IS TO REALLY BE IS IN 'TOTAL ABANDON' YET I USE MY RESENTMENT THAT HE CAN'T RESCUE ME AS A 'CONTEMPT' POSTURE'...






THE PRINCESS USUALLY IS NEVER RESCUED...SHE JUST DIES A THOUSAND DEATHS...THE 'DEAD CERTAINTY' OF BEING IN 'VANITY FEAR' AND 'BELIEF BEHAVIORS'...






'...AND EVERYONE FEELS 'NOT GOOD ENOUGH', A SENSE OF LACK AND GOES AROUND DOING COMPENSATORY THINGS TO MAKE UP FOR FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY'...'SO 'SETTLING IN SAFETY' IS WHAT ONE DOES'...






'IT IS THE 'CASTRATION' OF BEING AS ONE PARTITIONS IN 'CUTTING OFF' FROM REALNESS...FROM 'TRUTH OF URGENCY'...THE SURRENDER OF PARTS OR MOST OF THE SELF TO 'MEDIATION-CONTROL'...






'HEY, ONE CAN ALWAYS FIND AN ADVENTURE'...






'YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND...IT IS ADVENTURE AS 'INNER RISK'...IT IS HEART RISK TO EXTEND AND GO DEEPER...TAKING CHANCES IN ACTIONS OF TRUTH...LETTING GO OF PATTERNS OF TERRITORIAL HABITS OF 'DEAD CERTAINTY'...THE AGREED UPON 'GAMES' OF FLIRT, SEDUCTION, FLIGHT, FANTASY AND FORTRESSINGS...THE DESIRE AS STRATEGY CONSTRUCTIONS OF ADVANTAGE AND LEVERAGE TO SEEK POWER TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO COPE AND ENDURE'...






YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE A WAR WITHIN...






IT IS A 'HIP-HEART WAR' AS THE PLATEAU OF HIPS WHERE GOING ALONG TO GET ALONG IS THE ALL TOO FAMILIAR MEANS OF 'PECKING ORDER' IN STATUS-ACCEPTANCE-POWER...AN ECHO OF ROYAL WAYS...INSTITUTIONALIZED ROLES AND SOCIAL DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS...BEING AS ANNOINTED OR EXPECTED'...






'ONE LEARNS TO GROW OUT OF THE CLOSED CIRCLES OF PERCEPTUAL CONTAINMENT'...ONE STRETCHES IN ENCOUNTERS TO REACH INTO THE 'ABYSS' OF EMPTINESS AND THE NON-CERTAIN'...






'WHAT'S WRONG WITH 'COMMITMENT'?






'IT IS NOT 'COMMITMENT' WHEN IT IS 'CO-DEPENDENCY'...IT IS NOT 'COMMITMENT' WHEN IT IS FOR THE 'SAKE OF'...IT IS NOT 'COMMITMENT' WHEN IT IS FORTRESS INERTIA...IT IS NOT 'COMMITMENT' WHEN THE 'NUMBINGS' AND 'PARTITIONINGS' FURTHER DIVIDE AGAINST ANY POSSIBILITY OF REAL INTIMACY'...






'SO GREAT 'LOVE GURU' HOW COME YOU ARE NOT IN 'AUTHENTICITY' AS 'TOTAL' TRUTH OF URGENCY?'...






'WELL, IN SOME SENSES 'DOING NOTHING' IS A DEEP SELF CLEARING AS A WAY OF 'JUST DO IT' THAT IS NATURAL WITHOUT THE INTENSITY-DENSITY OF 'TRYING TO MAKE IT FIT'...IT IS NATURAL IN DESIRE TO BE WITH IN 'AS IS' WITHOUT THE 'MAKE BELIEVE' OF SOME DREAM VERSION OF WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE'...






'WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT'...






'IT IS BEING 'DOOMED' TO ENDURE IN EXPECTANCY OF DREAMINGS THAT ARE SELF ABSORPTION...IT IS JULIA KRISTEVA WROTE 'ONE MUST RENOUNCE ONE'S AUTO-EROTICISM IN ORDER TO FIND A PARTNER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX'...






'WELL, THAT CAN BE A VERY LONELY PATH AS ALMOST EVERYONE IS IN STRATEGIES OF 'MAKE-UP' AND 'IMPRESSION MANAGEMENT'...






'IT IS BEING NATURAL IN BREATH AND PRESENCE...HEALTH AND SELF LOVE WITHOUT THE DIVISIONS OF INNER SPLITTINGS TO BE AS ONE 'WANTS SOMEONE TO BE'...IT IS VITALITY IN NUTRITION, FASHIONS AND MOTIONS THAT ARE FROM WITHIN...WHAT IS REALLY BEST FOR ONE'...


'IT IS BEING PREPARED FOR WHAT ONE ASKS FOR EVEN AS THERE ISN'T THE SLIGHTEST SIGN OF IT IN SIGHT........

VIDEO IN YOU TUBE...RAINBOW WINDS...





PINK RADAR BLOG...

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SELON SOI...THE MANIFESTATION OF INHERENT WANTS IN BLOG...THE OPPORTUNITY IN CRISIS-RISK TO SEEK NEEDS............

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